I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
