He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
