Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
