I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
