They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
