She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
