Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
