Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
