I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
