I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
