every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
