after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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