I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
