And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
