seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
