I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
