I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
