miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
