Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
