dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
