i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
