I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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