i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."