Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH