what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.