Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity