i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award