he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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