Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.