I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont even know how to be here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
