The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
