someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I AM VODKA MAN
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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