Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
