I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
