they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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