If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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