I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
