Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
