Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
