They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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