Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
