You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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