Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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