I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
