have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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