I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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