i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
