So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
