Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
