if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
