More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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