She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FUCK WHALES
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
