Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
