Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
