My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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