That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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