if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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