i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
