apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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