You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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