I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
