You smell like stripper and shame
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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