We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
