This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize