anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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