oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
