I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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