I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
