i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
