she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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