just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
