please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
