I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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