i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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