I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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